My first prayer

What form shall my first prayer take?

Shall I endlessly write God’s nama

Or do a silent mala japa

 Of Ram or Ramana or Arunachala Shiva?

Paint pictures of delightful Ganesha,

Weave Tulsi garlands for Hanuman or

Roam around the corridors of unpopulated temples?

Shall I sit by the temple tanks feeding fish

Or floating with its water lilies, or

Spend hours in divine contemplation?

Shall I soak my soul with blissful bhajans

And never wake up from the following meditation,

What shall I do, which course shall I take?

 The indifferent gaze from the Guru’s portrait

Swiftly brushes aside these inspired ideas.

At long last, I lift a brush, it turns into a needle

That sews abstract patches of my innate desires

Into a collage of undecipherable mess that portrays ‘me’.

Opening a notebook I bluntly etch my greed

Into words of prayer forever asking, demanding or begging.

Walking along the sacred temple corridor,

Upon its art laden walls I find myself

Pasting my own incompatible interpretation.

Gazing into the azure skies, I discern

 My greed bred desires lazily floating as clouds

Hide the perfect dispensation of Supreme Laws.

I string into the holy garland my craving for credit,

Feed hungry fish my yearning for miraculous bounty.

This was my prayer mode and worship till yesterday.

Fie!

Fie on my sense of worship and prayer!

Such adoration shames my very bones now.

Forgive this ignorant usurper who hides daylight in a mud pot

And tries to borrow a glow-worm’s light to warm itself!

Oh Self – Oh patient Lord of my existence!

Let me see myself in your true Light,

Let me acknowledge my misgivings for you,

Let me see my ego’s worthlessness.

Help me light a lamp to scorch my impudence,

Or Light incense to burn out my impertinent desires,

Let me weave into a flower garland

Apologies for indignant demands, and

Let me sacrifice a meal to weaken my greed.

Accept my waving a sacred light at dawn and dusk

To outline the threshold of alert awareness

Before bowing to the concept of Divinity.

Let me surrender to the eternal laws of season.

Let me dedicate myself to an inspired solitary silence

With delight of this moment graciously offered to me.

Let me attempt to resurrect my lost heritage within

Through a silent prostration to the Omniscient,

 To the Divine Witness within me,

The unrivalled and Eternal Being -

The ‘I AM’ which I am.