I generally know Light as
the light seen around me. And that is by day. Otherwise, it is the electric,
solar or LED lights that lights up our lives after sunset. I rarely consider
any other light, such as the light that lights my inner being into recognition
of these outer lights!
Curiously, I notice that my
daily prayer while lighting the oil lamp for worship at dawn and dusk goes so:
‘Antar
Jyothih, Bahir Jyothih, Pratyak Jyothi Paraatparaha,
Jyothir Jyothih swayam
jyothi, atmaJyothi Shivosmi aham.’
It means:
The light within, the light outside, each and every light (as the one
before me) is Divine;
But the light of lights is my very own light, the light of
my soul - Shiva am I.
Light, per se, is
that which dispels darkness, no doubt, but which light am I now talking about? My
focus, hereafter, is obviously, not the externally visible light but the light
within. Throwing light on light, I see that it has to be my own light that I
have to first recognize with clarity as the one which is self- evident as me,
there already, self-luminous and self-explanatory.
Is this Light self-evident?
The term ‘self-evident’ suggests that the self is the most evident of
evidences. But, is the ‘Self’ in the ‘self-evident’ truly evident in its purest sense to all, so that we may use this
simile to equate it with the Light of lights within? Is it not the subject of
the contention for the greatest of philosophers? To know the Self has been the
ultimate quest of all times.
My next question is – If I am light, how is there darkness
or shade in it? In other words, if all is evident as the Light of Consciousness
how could the dark or shaded areas of ignorance, dream, sleep and unconsciousness
exist? And, what exactly am I supposed to mean in my prayer to light when I
chant ‘I am the light of lights and being so I am Shiva – the Self, the
Supreme, the Auspicious and the Sacred’?
Firstly, a sincere reflection on the similarity of Light and
Self is noted down here.
I happen to be involved in art and aesthetics. It is a field
of refining perception. It comprises steps, processes and analyses of mental
procedures with reference to feelings and emotions perceived through known or
hidden preconceptions, judgements and situations. And all this would be from my own perspective. It is intended to
be a journey into myself. It is a kind of search for some missing link that would
give a final answer or join two ends to make a whole. A bridge is brought into
existence that would unite what now, somehow, seems disconnected. So, I respond
keenly to any and every trigger. A record is produced in the form of art. In
all stages, the perceiver, the perceived and perception are the characters in
the ‘plot’. The whole game is interesting and engrossing and one is led on to
the next stage - like in a treasure hunt. Another clue is found and the game
continues.
It is said that then one day, the discovery is made. The
game ends there. The thrill in the game is lost forever. That is the day the
seeker arrives at the height of perception. It is a point where the three characters
of the ‘plot’ merge. It is an arrival to the point from where the journey
actually began, yet very different from the first step that was taken earlier
on!
But, why was this game played in the first place? Because,
that was how what seemed lost could have been found. Well, game or no game, my
search for the meaning of Light, what it can light, which light is it and why
is it light has to continue. The light that I am interested in is certainly not
the light that lights the universe but the Light that lights my intelligence?
An Ekasloki by Sankaracharya bears the following clear
indication to it:
Master: By what light do you see?
Disciple: The sun during day, the lamp by night.
M: By what light do you see these lights?
D: The eye.
M: By what light do you see the eye?
D: The mind.
M: By what light do you know the mind?
D: My Self
M: You then are the Light
of Lights.
D: Yes That I am!
This illuminatory dialogue between a truth-seeker and the Master
is a proof that the dispeller of the shades of our mind’s ignorance, doubt and
confusion is seated not in some remote corner of the world but right within our
hearts as one’s own self.
Whether this sounds easy or difficult to understand, this is the nature of the truth of our
own selves, here equated with Light. Only a few dare to choose the path of
light. The rest may well remain in shaded avenues enjoying dim light or shunt
in dark recesses complaining of poor visibility!
To move on, I, a victim of guidance and an addict of
procedures, project my next involuntary question - How do I gain this sight of
or for light? To emerge with that Light of Lights that I am must I begin from the surface or from
my depths? Either way the certainty now is that ‘I’ am the medium!
But who am ‘I’? Am ‘I’ the body? The answer is dubious. I must be this body, mind, intelligence and
memory also known by many as the gross body, the subtle-body and the actual
Self. Must they not be self-same parts
of one unit? But, again…
‘The body is inert like
an earthen pot...’ goes another verse – Deham
gada nigar jadam... True, it seems to have no consciousness of ‘I’ because
daily in sleep we know we exist without body consciousness. Then comes Nidra Samadhi Sthithi i.e., Sleep state is akin to the Pure Self,
so we must be closer to our true nature in sleep! But even then it has to be a
dreamless state obviously, i.e., bereft of even the subtle body in order to be
truly pure. But how will I know my existence in such a state? And if I am
unaware of myself as my Self shining as Light, what is the use of such
knowledge?
I know clearly I have three states of experience – waking,
dream and deep sleep states. In all the three I have experience of a gross
body, a subtle body and no body. To concede to the self –realized Master’s
words that these experiences occur upon or within my Self which is the
Self-aware existence is to cut a long story short for I have not unravelled the
clues personally and the game loses its sensation.
There is a clue there. There are many hints around me, many
strands of profound truth. I have to bring them together to weave my tapestry
of right understanding. So, I proceed in my own way or words!
I am intelligent so can ‘I’ be the intellect – the one who
knows that this body is mine! Started brilliantly! How intelligent is this
intelligence that I don’t want to lose association with, that I am quick to tag
along for fear of being anything less by its exclusion!
Now, though this intelligence reveals my body to me it does
not do so when I am asleep. For instance, I am unaware of my aches and pains that
attracted my attention while awake. So, I realize to my dismay that my
intelligence works only part-time for me! In such a case, it is something I
cannot fully rely upon.
The next for scrutiny would be my memory. Oh, do I need to
say how it fails me when I need it most, even for a small thing such as a name
or a date? Even if I am good at that, still, I do not remember each and everything
that has taken place so far, say, like a personal backup of my life. Then, my
memory’s role seems limited too!
Both and more put together I call the conglomerate - my mind.
And, oh, what can say of it! It is something that confuses everyone most as
much as me. It makes me use the words in
my vocabulary so interchangeably and makes me expect to be perfectly understood
every time. And when that does not happen, as it was never ever guaranteed, I
become miserable for want of clarity around me. And I say - How ridiculous it
is that one cannot see which ‘me’ I
am talking of?
To cite an example, I say, “I feel miserable today as I
haven’t slept last night. My blood-pressure is up because of all the
misunderstandings around me. To top it all, my laptop has crashed and my
car-keys are misplaced and I should have started my presentation at a conference
by now.”
How many times have I
referred to myself and each time I have meant it differently! Once it is my
overall existence, then it is my biological person. Later it is my physical
body and then my psychic being or social personality. Then again it is my identification
with my physical possessions, my physical movement and appearance and finally comes
my ‘unaware’ hint of my true location – the present moment – the now!
How many personalities do I have? If obviously it has to
boil down to one, then I must presume that my physical functions and mental
capacities are meant to be understood as intertwined to create a final image of
myself. That I use the expression ‘I’, me and mine so interchangeably and
freely suggests that it is perfectly understandable to do so and nearly always
understood in the same manner. Is this what is called ‘COMMON’ sense!
Should I really be proud of such ‘Multiple- ownership-but-
singular-nomination' syndrome? Especially when I am yet to see and refer to the
connecting link that binds them all as one?
Is it not appalling that when I have descriptions or codes,
surnames or nicknames to identify Rams, Krishnas, Johns and Alis why do I not
do so for these multifaceted, multitalented amazing namesakes that I have
within me, to interact with and refer to, day in and day out?
It is not appalling too that I actually have only a partial
knowledge of my exact personality? I surely have access to and visibility of
only certain portions of my very own physical body, this body mass that I
declare my own! A measuring scale or a weighing scale gives me some figure that
I have learnt to half-heartedly declare as mine, even though nothing reassures
me that I am so many centimetres tall or so many kilograms heavy! If I take a
real close look at my hand or foot it begins to take on a new dimension- it
seems more a thing that I feel quite alien from! Coming to think of it, my left
and my right hand are strangers to each other except that I put them together to
express my feelings. I do not have a clear idea of my personal appearance but I
accept it as mine since I feel and transact through it. This body, however, is
my dearest possession. Without it nothing moves, without moving or resting it
nothing alters or rests. This body is my present. I feel without it I will be
dead! I maintain its history and it gains all importance for me. This body
person’s love can become narcissistic; it can also become a cause of great
depression or labour in correction or enhancement to suit a fancy. Suddenly one
day or eventually before me in the mirror or in a photo will stare back a
haggard image that I cannot accept as me.
This body whether biological, physical or psychic is
collectively the stuff my dreams are made up with. I have this body of mine
which is and yet is not physical while dreaming. It can see from above, below,
close or far anything, anyone, any scene – private or public; it has its own
intimate fancies or fears that can never be articulated some of which I know are
repeated night in and night out. My fears and fancies are revealed to me by its
infinite permutations and combinations. I decide to proudly narrate those that
I fancy and the others I quickly brush under the carpet of secrecy or
forgetfulness.
This same body is simultaneously a secret parcel whose
contents I am blissfully unaware of. It is incredible that I do not know
anything that lies below my skin? I am again appalled to be so ignorant of its
interior organisation. I do not seem to deserve to know it - my very own kidneys,
heart, brain, liver and so on! In my natural state of affairs there is nothing
to make me suspect that I have such individual organs that do wonders to keep
me feeling normal and forgetful about them! And even if I wanted to control
them, I find that I can move my hand but not run my kidneys or stop a heartbeat
voluntarily! Its mechanism I know nothing about. This control of an external
world alone – however partial seems to be my sorry plight. If I feel ill I need to go to a doctor. He refers
me to a –‘logist - a radiologist, pathologist or
microbiologist. He is supposed to know and reveal more about my body than me.
He is supposed to know me in bits and pieces. He specialises in knowing with
great precision just any one portion, one faculty or one area of this large
factory which seems to have a great purpose, a great or highly qualified
mechanism, an efficient management and very well equipped machinery. Even if a
needle is inserted in this body and some liquid aspirated and placed under a microscopic
lens, that little drop can reveal to that master alchemist the entire history
of ancestry from DNA which irrevocably reveals genetic factors that are final
in authenticity. These cryptographs decide for us the pattern of our days to
come whether numbered, altered in lifestyle, barred from games or barred by
prison grills for tampering with nature or rules. Tubes, bars, filaments,
sponges, bags all seem to be articulated immaculately in a complex system that
cannot be taken for granted even by the most experienced of physicians.
But in this same body are forces such as electromagnetism
and induction and gravity and quantum mechanics. The deepest and most sincere
structural analysis of this body would reveal possibilities of an Indus valley
civilization or a hominid man but what can it say of electromagnetic radiation?
How does my body accomplish what great scientists term as physics?
Now, what a philosopher refers to as ‘me’ in a spiritual context
must however be distinct from direct association with this multidimensional
body of mine and probably be that yet unintelligible aspect of me if I am to
see and be the Light that I am told I am or I hold within.
Egged upon the cliff of reasoning, analysis and self-
enquiry, I see now how the time-honoured problems of enlightenment are always
deferred by this body which naturally says – ‘Not now, maybe later!’ Perpetual
procrastination has brought me to where I am – a muddle of bodies twisted and
tied together whose identities I have intermingled and names forgotten by
mistake. To hide my folly I use one blanket term I, me, and mine ever so
gracelessly every time everywhere. ‘I’ have to be the commonality in these
definitions.
And if I am the common only then these conditions are mine. If
I can describe them, however intimate, then they are mine, of me, but not me. So then, am I essentially an entity with no definitions and surpass
whatsoever? Being singular, unitary and alone, is then the entire universe seen
or cognised within me as a figment of my imagination, intellect, a concoction
of my mind and memory plotting together for my own supposed benefit? There are
answers in our scriptures to validate this doubt as genuine.
It is only if one takes the search seriously would one comes
to confront the time-honoured problems of ‘Who am I?’ or ‘Can I not survive the
death of my body?’
If our intelligence, memory and mind be by-products of these
one or severally appearing bodies then the body’s break up cannot reveal any positive
finding in terms of true self-knowledge. Will life and eventually death mean
the same mysterious beginning and ending whose equally mysterious middle I seem
to be so madly engrossed in? It is quite clear to me from these ramblings into
my person that there cannot be any more than one behind the medley of these confused
thoughts. And if order were to be brought in to silence the monkeying mind it
would be to bring reason as the
first silencer. The reason would have to have a cause and any cause an effect –
the doubt of singularity and the conviction of it. As a result the effect would
be in and as the present moment of which I am witness, a fully aware
participant simultaneously. And, if
I am aware of ‘two’ – the seer and the seen, then again there cannot be a
plurality but a singularity for the reason that awareness is in the singular
-me.
When confronted with the famous and mighty philosophic
problems of our times we bring forth the fact of the luminous Self to put an
end to this process in one stroke. That stroke is the lightning of True Knowledge.
My Self cannot but be the entity of inexistence or
transcendence. It cannot be crushed, burnt, drowned or shredded. It will always
remain the way it has been – Perfect.
Such a self-knowledge is not a word of understanding, a
methodical process or an accidental event – it is a finality of being that Light
which was sought. It is a silent confirmation, a communication in the most
incommunicable recesses of the intimate self that there is only the Self that
is the light that lights the universe and it is only this Self being Light can
be the light that lights light. And once illumined remains untarnished,
undiminishing and luminously illumines Light forever!
I am that light.
Our Life, our feelings, our thoughts, our memories and physical
existence continue to exist. In and around us are innumerable currents of
energy that accommodate existence ever so effortlessly. And from minute to
maxima an equally distributed force operates without calling for any
intervention from us. At best, we can refrain from disturbing what ‘is’ by not
hoping for what ‘is not’! Our nervous system binds and links our accustomed varied
dimensions to one point of recognition. The word ‘re’cognition suggests an
implied pre-existence. There lies the doorway to the unfolding of mysterious
cosmic revelations. But that is not my goal; my goal is an unadulterated (by
thoughts) existence as pure awareness of my Self in the here and now. When I
exist in such purity, in the thought-free nature of creation, I can be equated
with existence in its entirety. That is coming in contact and being the Light
of Consciousness. At such a moment of enlightenment is drawn the curtain of
happenings and the stage turns to ‘Being’.
How does the enlightened one then live, exist, function,
walk and talk? These questions lose their import as the answers would have to be
space, time or habit related. So, without falling back into the rut of habit
and watching out for the surfacing of latent tendencies that draw one away from
this serenade with truth will be a way of life if a way has to be outlined.
Such a living on the path of Light is the best way to be. The role that is
played by the actor, then, is scripted by the divine and directed by the
cosmos. The unfolding of events is at the discretion of the entirety of
Creation however small or big, for proportions again are relative to my
accustomed approach and I have just learnt the importance of discarding them
for the absolute.
Unadulterated existence is truth. To survive changes in the
terminal and tangible world through association with the eternal Light of Self-
Knowledge is the most valid act of humanity. In it the entire creation’s friendship
and compassion, devotion and Spiritual Knowledge are tiny droplets that
decorate the hardworking brow of Creation to fulfillment.
Let us silently bow to this
great cosmic order of journeying with the light of understanding from Being to
becoming and successfully back to Being the Light of Lights – the Self – Shiva.
